yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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