Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
