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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I want to walk on stilts...naked

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.

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• (229): View more from Georgia

  Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?

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• (406): View more from Montana

  So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together

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• (903): View more from Texas

  You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.

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• (415): View more from California

  He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"

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