Don't you send me to vm
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
