enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
