this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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