You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
