I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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