Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
