So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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