My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
