Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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