I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
