I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
