We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
