Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
