angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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