he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
do herpes really smell.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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