Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need to sanitize my soul.
my liver is dry heaving
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
