rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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