oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
