omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
