I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
