its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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