so explain again why im purple
no
Me too!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
