did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
