the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
