Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
