I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
