I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
