A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.