paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night