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im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
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