I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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