I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!