I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.