maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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