Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Houston, we have a blender
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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