that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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