I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
