so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
