I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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