five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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