"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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