I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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