I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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