moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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