So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
