the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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