goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
