She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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