Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
