sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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