just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
