ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
