Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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