I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize