I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
