K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
