my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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