I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
