I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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