I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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