So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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