Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
