Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
