Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
