Your dad touched me again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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