hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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