ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
