if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
