Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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