She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
